You want to listen to the person you're talking to. You want to deeply understand them. You want them to feel understood.
This is what reflective listening is all about.
It all starts with repeating back to a person what you heard them say. No more, no less.
At first, it seems very unlikely that just reflecting back what you heard would work in a conversation, but it does!
Now, it's time to get slightly more sophisticated. You start paraphrasing what you heard instead of using the same words as the speaker.
Then you go deeper. You start reflecting back what the person is probably feeling.
Them: "I think I got one question wrong in the test."
You: "You're worried."
You're not asking a question, you're making a statement. Don't worry. If you're wrong, the person will correct you and keep talking. If you're right, the person will elaborate and get a nice "You get me!" feeling.
We've covered simple reflections (repeating back and paraphrasing) and reflecting emotions.
There's a lot more to reflective listening, but this is enough to get you started.
Embarking on the journey of reflective listening changed all my conversations. I can now keep a conversation going for longer. I can respond to emotional statements that people make in an empathic way. I can get to know people much better. And at the same time I still have a lot to learn. It's a deceptively simple skill. And a powerful one.
If you want to talk to me, you can email me at therightmandev@gmail.com